Due to limited support resources I submitted to my "calling" and sought spiritual guidance and refuge in the church. Every message since walking through those doors have centered on asking for fogiveness, forgiving, and thanksgiving. So today while drinking of His blood I realized that I have very little of these traits left in me. I have no forgiveness in my heart towards those that cause pain; I've yet to ask for forgiveness for my own sins; and I have very little thanksgiving in me when I enter into His house. If anything I stumble in, sit down, and spend the entire sermon taking in the word and reflecting on my "afflictions". I openly admit to loving the Lord and being a willing sacrifice. I know that He's working through me so I don't seek comforting from man in that regard. All I seek is help and guidance in dealing with the "physical man" and the things about him that fuels this anger. I realize that I have to first look within myself and determine if this anger isn't something I've manifested due to my own failures. Am I an "unhappy" person? Have I chosen to be "unhappy" or is my "unhappiness" a direct result of failure. These are questions I'm working on but today realized that I need to let go and learn how to forgive. So today I vowed I'd use this medium as my tool for expressing my forgiveness.

I forgive you:
for not being there when I needed you
for not trusing in me
for not acknowledging my day of celebration
for remaining elusive at times where you were once accessible
for breaking my heart
for not accepting me for who I am or allowing me to be me
for presenting me with new found circumstances
for denouncing my attempts to accept you inspite of.
for letting me know time and time again that I'm not the one for you
for not following through on your promises

Please forgive me:
for allowing mistrust to enter into my heart
for ignoring obvious signs of incompatibility
for not being a stronger son, brother, or uncle
for pushing when you wanted to stop
for being too busy to call
for not saying I Love You
for holding you to an unreachable standard
for expecting the worse
for expecting too much
for not caring or adhering to your needs
for directing anger towards you

This method can never replace the joy of sitting down and expressing this in the physical but it is a start.

• Speaking in tongues (Acts 2:4)
• Using tongues as a gift (1 Corinthians 14)
• Tarrying for the Baptism of the Holy Ghost (Luke 24:49; Acts 10:38)

Considering how long it's been since I studied all of this seemed foreign but comprehensible. So I sit, listen, and observe how everyone engages themselves in the discussion. I admit that I was very pleased in the way the teacher presented the instruction. Her approach is passionate and inviting which keeps everyone engaged and inspired. Towards the end I even feel compelled to speak but it felt just as good to sit back and observe how things were done. The last and final part of the discussion focused on the biblical definition or interpretation of the word "tarry" as used in the following context: Jesus instructed the disciples to wait and tarry fir the Baptism of the Holy Ghost or the promise of the Farther which would endue them with the power to witness to the uttermost parts of the world (Luke 24:49; Acts10:38). So for homework we were tasked to learning and understanding the definition of the word "Tarry" from the spiritual perspective. This means it was probably time to pick up a spiritual dictionary.

Today's Message

I came to the conslusion that the lesson from today's venture centered on the discussion of using tongue as a gift. I've never found myself speaking in tongues but I've seen a few people do it and wonder if it's a gift I'm ready to receive? I've been in plenty of situations where I've tried to inform and advise from the perspective of the greater good. The question I have to ask myself  is what made me think that I was ready to advise on a particular situation and that particular time? Was God speaking through me and using me as a tool to deliver a certain message and a certain time? As I sit here tonight is God using these people as vessels to deliver instruction to me and the rest of the class? How should I receive and intepret this message before I validate it as real or false? These are the thoughts racing through my head. As I continue to take in the instruction I can't help but wonder if I've led anyone astray through a messages? Although I feel I had the best intentions where they received with the best of intentions.

Let me start by saying that I'm happy and Blessed to awaken each day with the opportunity to experience new and better things. I thank the Lord for planting the "Seeds" that have begun to grow inside of me and vow to remain committed to nurturing them while continuing to evolve into this "new creature" I'm destined to be. Being that this month and my annual year is coming to an end I can't help but reflect on some of the "new-found" and lingering challenges that have plagued my spirit partially extinguishing the "internal flames" that once fueled my flight:

1. I struggle a lot when dealing with the limitations of people. I find that my expectations from others are a lot higher than they've ever been which is why I make it a point to absolve myself of any physical or mental dependancies.

2. In this same manner I find that I'm less forgiving of those who exclude knowledge or information with intention of causing hurt or pain. This is why I try to remove myself from situations where I'm in proximity of those who only care to receive but not give and those who simply don't care to give.

3. I find that I have no patience for those who live through deceptive mediums. Because I consider myself an unconditional giver it bothers my spirit to no end to be in the prescence of those who claim to "be of faith" yet remain unaccountable for the effect their devious actions have on others.

So what this tells me is that I have a lot of work to do and that although I've come a long way in my travels, I still have a long way to go before considering myself "worthy of His Praise".

I often think back to when I'm traveling at the highest point of my oval and operating as "instructed". I'm fueled by an intense and beautiful flame that burns as bright as the evening sun. My shield, inscribed with the virtues which define my faith, keeps me isolated from harm. And the light, which "guides" me, allows me to blaze new trails through treacherous and untraveled roads.

This flame is now extinguished, shield battered and dented, and light reduced to a flicker. This is a man who's spirit has begun to wither and so has his faith. He's been transformed into the very thing he's worked so hard to avoid; a complacent and weak creature, void of the desire to pursue change. I am now this man and although I'm protected and sill being guided, a part of me has still lost its way. Somewhere along the line I took over this "vessel" and managed to steer it off course. So far off course that I often have trouble seeing where I'm going. The light, though still visible, is now barely seen from the left or right of my peripheral and not front and centered. The road I now travel is sometimes both dark and cloudy, muddy and wet, slick with ice and jagged rock. Yet as I continue to steer I often hear a "voice" calling, directing, and guiding me to remain in view of the light. This voice has been loud and thunderous at times and faint and allusive at others when my desire to listen has been fleeting and anything but obidient. Somewhere I figured I didn't need any help and was more than capable of steering this "vessel" on my own. It's at this point in my life where I realize why my journey appears to have "stalled". I realize that I need to "relinquish control" and hand the steering back over to the "Provider of my Instruction" for He alone is the Compass guiding my direction. Stop trying to control and be controlled. Stop weeping about the plights of my fellow man and rejoice for them. Left them up in prayer and continue to fellowship and welcome them with open arms. Get back to loving myself for until I do this I'm incapable of loving others.

So when instructed to "go home" I did. I went back to the home that "cleansed me of my sins and raised me" when I last fell from grace. It's been nine (9) years since I last walked through those doors but today it felt as though I'd never left. My spirit was welcomed immediately upon entry and knew I was back home. I picked my favorite spot in the back and took a minute to take it all in. Waves of emotion washed over me as I sat there thinking and thanking Him for this instruction. I had obeyed and here I now sat waiting for the Word to be delivered to me. Wandering what "message" would He have to heal my aching spirit. It first came during the reading of the scripture:

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

The next message came during the Morning Message:

1st Samuel 17:23 And as he talked with them, behold, there came up the champion, the Philistine of Gath, Goliath by name, out of the armies of the Philistines, and spake according to the same words: and David heard them.

1st Samuel 17:50 So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and with a stone, and smote the Philistine, and slew him; but there was no sword in the hand of David.

Wow! The message spoke volumes and hit on all of the points that are ailing my spirit. I was elated and as I sat there listening I couldn't help but note how everythings lined up for me to be at this point today and now none of it would've happened had I falterd or wasted time doubting His instructions. So when called to discipleship I went and proceeded to renew my vows to this my new church home.

Now being that I'm at a health clinic I was informed that I'd have to pay for the visitation upfront and in cash before being seen. I provide proof of my employment and based on the "sliding fee scale" I'll need to pay $55.00 dollars for each visit, excluding lab work. As I'm handing over the money I say to myself, "here's to a better year".

So I make it to the back and proceed to have my vitals checked. The physician arrives and immediately asks "What brought you here today?" and I say I'm here for a physical. She continues to ask "What concerns do you have for wanting to get a physical?" I state that it's something I do annually and that I wanted to continue the ritual. So as she's examining me she immediately picks up on the nasal issue when checking my nose. She replies "you have inflammation in the nasal cavity which is probably causing mucus buildup and congestion". I nod but in my mind I'm thinking "spot on" as this was on my list of concerns. She proceeds to explain that I've developed an allergy known as "Rhinitis" which can be trated with a nasal spray, Flonase, and an antihistamine drug known as "Loratadine". I state that I've never had allergies and asks if she could explain how this could occur? She states it could easily come from "airborn allergens" commonly associated with polluted air. She asks if I sleep with the fan on? Yes, I reply and that I also run and ride outside alot. She prescribes the Flonase and Loratadine, urges me to purchase an air purifier, and to get online and research this issue in greater detail. There's "no need for worrying about running or riding outside, just be aware of the triggers".

So she concludes with the preliminaries and asks if I have further issues or concerns? I engage her on my concerns with prostate exhaminations and she provides a statistic about "black males only needing to get checked once they're in their 40's". Well I'll be 40 in a few weeks doc and although I don't have any symptoms I'd like to get tested for my own piece of mind. She advises of the two tests associated with the prostate checkup:

Digital Rectal Exam (DRE) – tests for "palpable abnormalities in the prostate.
Prostate-Specific Antigen (PSA) Test – a blood test that measures the proteins by the cells of the prostate gland.

She goes on to advise of the separate fee for the test and states that it's not necessary if I don't have any symptoms. I stick to my original plans and advises her to proceed with both tests. Test 1 all "feels" fine with the prostate. Test 2 draw blood and wait for the test results.

Final questions or concerns? HIV testing. I recently had blood drawn for STD testing but it didn't include HIV testing. No problem we'll draw blood for PSA and HIV testing.

All in all it was a good visit. I left feeling like I got all of my concerns answered so here's to my healthy results.

Create Header Images
1. Use PhotoShop to create my header images at 1300w x 232h.
2. Log into my WordPress demo as an Administrator and make sure the Nextgen gallery plugin is activated.
3. Download the latest version of the JW Image Rotator from the following location:

http://www.longtailvideo.com/players/jw-image-rotator/

4. Extract and save the "imagerotator.swf" file to the following WordPress directory:

/wp-content/uploads/imagerotator.swf

5. Navigate back to your WordPress site where you should be logged in as an Administrator.
6. Scroll down and click the "Gallery" node to expand it.
7. Click the "Options" link and then the "Slideshow" tab.
8. If the "imagerotator.swf" file hasn't been detected you'll see a button asking you to search for it. Click this button to allow WordPress to search for the file. Once found scroll down and click the "Save Changes" button.
9. While in the "Gallery" node look for and click the "Add / Gallery Images" link.

Create Header Image Gallery
10. Enter a name for the new Gallery. For me this will be "Header Gallery".
11. Click the "Add gallery" button when finished and WRITE DOWN the GALLERY ID! This is important as you'll need it later.
12. Click the "Upload Images" tab, click the down arrow next to the "Chooise gallery" field and select the newly created gallery.
13. Click the "Browse" button and navigate to the location on your local system where you saved the header images.
14. Select each image and click the "Upload images" button when finished to have them added to the gallery.
15. Once finished scroll down to the "Gallery" node and look for the "Manage Gallery" link and click it to be taken to your list of galleries.
16. Look for your header image gallery and click its link to confirm that your images loaded successfully.

Add Slideshow to Header.php File

Note: the next thing we need to do is modify the "header.php" file for this template and insert the code which allows our slideshow to be displayed to our visiting audience.

Note: You can perform the following steps from within your WordPress installation by clicking the "Editor" link located under the "Appearance" node. From here you select your "header.php" file and follow below.

17. As stated above either log into WordPress or use your FTP client software to establish a connection with your website's root directory. Once connected navigate to the theme's parent directory:

/wp-content/themes/atahualpa/

18. Open the "header.php" file and look for the following code:

<!– Header –>

I make it onsite a little after 9am and immediately get to the run. Of course it's windy and cold by normal standards, but to those of us who run year round, it's actually a good day for a run. Hands are already cold but they'll warm up. As I turn to head up what I think is still called Lookout Mountain, I reflect back to chapter 1 of "It's Your Time" where Joel Olsteen shares the story of walking up the mountain. Well as soon as you come off the main trail you're greeted with the bottom of the hill. So you take a left and begin to climb this treacherous hill laced with tree stumps and protruding rocks. Plus it's muddy from the rain and there are puddles of water hidden beneath the wet leaves. It's definately a technical trail that will hurt you both mentally and physically if you're not careful. The hill continues it's winding path for about 1/4 to 1/2 mile before it levels off and loops you down the backside which takes you back to the main trail. The backside is just as treacherous because of the narrow path, the drop, rocks, and mud. So you end up running down the hill, dodging rocks, trying not to slip and fall into the mud patches, all while maintaining your balance and focus. Sounds scary huh? Wanna run it with me one day?

In the chapter he speaks on how hard it was to stay motivated to make it up the mountain and how he almost gave up at it's half way point. So as I'm running up the hill I think back to how long I've been running this trail and how I ALWAYS struggle running up this hill. It doesn't seem to matter if I'm in good or bad running shape I ALWAYS encounter a mental breakdown when running up this hill. Physically I'm fine, legs are starting to burn a little and I'm breathing a little harder, but that's all apart of it. For the most part I've always passed it off as me just "taking it easy" and not wanting to burn out before finishing the remaining 6 miles. In the chapter Joel makes the following statement:

"God has put dreams and desires in your heart."

What this particular statement he makes a reference to being a prisioner of Hope and breaking the chains and believing that He, God, is working in your life. Sweet!

So what I realized today was that I really don't struggle with this hill as much as I think I do; and that's because I never stop. There are definately times where I want to stop, and may slow down my pace, but I never stop. Today for some reason the voice in my head telling me to "push it out" and "don't quit", was louder than before. My lungs were burning from the cold air, my hands are starting to feel numb, and my shoes are already caked with the mud adding what seems like an extra 5 pounds to each of my feet yet I continue on to the top and down the backside before I'm back on the main trail some five (5) minutes later.

Now some would say "this dude's crazy" and ask "what are you doing running in this cold weather?" and "why that particular trail?". I chock it up to the challenge I needed to help charge my spirit for today. The other trail I run, Sweet Water Creek, isn't as technical as Sope Creek, so when I run here I know I'll be in for a longer more challenging run. The fact that this trail entered my subconscious shows that I needed this type of challenge to get me going. So I embraced it and kept it moving.
Now the voice I refer to was fueled by His desire to see me finish the request He put on my heart which was so simple of a request one would think why would He ask that of me? I can only hope that He knows what's troubling my heart and is positioning me to get through these trials in the best possible way. He leaves it up to me to stay firm in my faith and confident in my abiity to complete the task. He knows that I find comfort in running and therefore continues to Bless me and keep me upright and able to run, freely without restraint or restriction.

Also in the chapter he references Hebrews 10:35:

"Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward."

So my lesson for today was about staying in my faith and believing, hoping, and doing the right thing. I know my payday is coming and that when I get this way it's easily due to my impatience which causes me to falter, doubt, and question. As he mentions in chapter 1 still:

Instead of getting discouraged, you need to have the attitude to say, "I've come too far to stop now. I've been through too much to back down. I realize the pressure has been turned up because I'm about to give birth to my dreams!" Classic! I love it, for this is logic I eat, drink, and sleep. But because I'm flawed I sometimes forget and lose sight. This is where these simple words help in ailing a doubtful spirit. The last reference I'll make from chapter 1 states the following:

"Know that God has all kinds of ways to bring your dreams to pass."

Even though I already believe this in my heart I find that I still need it stated in a way for my spirit to interpret and Joel does this well. Again, all it takes are a few words to inspire and be inspired. So I'll remain a "Prisioner of Hope" and continue to abide by the lessons presented that are meant to mold and shape me into the creature I'm destined to be. I pray you do the same.

WOOOOW! Chapter 1 was awesome! Can't wait to get started on chapter 2.

Website Information: 

• Website Name: East Lake Meadows dot com
• Website Sub-title: N/A
• Website URL: eastlakemeadows.com
• Website Host: GoDaddy

Deliverables:

• Free user account signup and registration
• Free user profile management
• Free blog signup and registration

Milestones

• Domain availability
• Domain hosting plan purchase
• Website installation, setup, and configuration
• Beta testing
• Live publishing
• User signup

Technical Requirements

• PHP scripting language proficiency
• MySQL database server installation and configuration knowledge
• Web server configuration knowledge
• Apache
• Microsoft IIS 6.0 and higher
• Application platform familiarity:
• Joomla version 1.15 and higher
• WordPress version 2.9.1 and higher
• WordPress Multi-User version 2.9.1 and higher
• BuddyPress version 1.1.3 and higher
• Website development proficiency
• HTML code creation and manipulation

Technical Specifications:

• Database back-end for content management and data storage.
• Centralized user account management system
• User registration and password management system
• User profile access and account management system
• User account rights access and delegation management system
• Member registration management system
• Links management system
• Photo Gallery with music & video upload capabilities
• Events calendar management system
• Random image rotation management system
• Remote access & administrative management system

Limitations & Exclusions 

• To be defined

back to the book!

So I open the book to chapter one (1) and there staring at me are words to sooth my troubled heart, You're Closer Than You Think! I love it, so I jump right into his initial story about a climb up Beaver Creek Mountain located in Denver Colorado. He's basically describing the challenge he's facing to make it up this steep mountain. There are moments of doubts that creep into his spirit that makes him want to abandon his effort. Although he continues on he finds it harder with each step to stay motivated to continue the climb. His mindset changes once he encounters a gentleman walking down the mountain who says to him, "You're closer than you think". These few words, he states rejuvenatated his spirit and propelled him to continue the climb. Turns out he was only ten (10) minutes from reaching the top of the mountain and had he turned around he'd never have known that. A true lesson of how it only takes a few words to inspire one's spirit.

So as I'm reading through the rest of the chapter I marvel at how easy it is for me to relate to his stories and how they translate into some of my own struggles. It was the same in his first book I read, "Become a Better You". I think he, Joel Olsteen, has a true gift when it comes to delivering the word of prosperity. His style and demeanor speaks to the spirit and offers a sense of comfort and support needed when there's no one in the physical to provide it. So I applaud him for that and encourage anyone reading this post to get his book. It could truly be your time.

There's another story in this chapter of a wife who renews her passion to start a business after praying about her situation where she was working two jobs to support her family after her husband was laid off. In the book she states that after praying "His response came to her "like a breath". "I gave you a gift. Go plant gardens. Do your hearts work." So she started her business and became successful in it. I can dig this as it shows that she never let go of the desire she had to become a successful business owner. In her mind she remained convinced that she could be successful in her line of work. It was at her lowest point that she finally found the time to speak on it and have it confirmed. The one thing I truly believe about Faith is that if something is placed on your heart and you nurture it, you will receive its reward. You just have to stay committed to nurturing that dream and staying true to it at all cost. Joel makes a similar reference in this chapter by stating "Rewards await if you stay steadfast in your faith."

So after reading a while it begins to dawn on me why I'm suddenly so motivated to start reading this book. It seems that my spirit has become weakened and needs "speaking to". Weak in that I've lost sight of some of my main goals in life which are all centered on becoming a new creature as defined in 2nd Corinthians 5:17:

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

I have to let go of a lot "old things" that have been stock piling these few years and are starting to weaken my spirit. I figure somewhere along the lines I got so used to people blowing me off and taking advantage of my kindness that I started to accept it as normal. Things I had a hand in starting would change without me knowing about it and those I considered close would be anything but. I guess I convinced myself that I was doing what was put on my heart, which hopefully was for the greater good.

Turning 40 and being in my current position makes me realize that I have so much to do before leaving this life and that I really don't have time to sit and wonder how others perceive me or my efforts. In this chapter he mentions Psalms 30:5 "weeping may endure for a night, but I know joy is coming in the morning". The timing of me reading this is so amazing that I'm compelled to write on it. It's as if I'm being instructed to write a report on this chapter and share it with someone, who happens to be a virtual audience. My goal as I prepare for my New Year this February will be to utilize this book as one of tools for purging my spirit of these ailments. I vow to share in my reflections and interpretations of each chapter in hopes of nursing and rejuvenating my mind and body to prepare for the next leg of my journey. So stay tuned.

As we turn up County Services road I see a police cruiser and feel the urge to ride close behind it, maybe out of fear that if something happened I could get the officers attention. So the police takes a left and as we continue along the dark winding road I begin to think how quick things could go bad for me. I can't help but think of the number of good gestures that have been met with tragic ends. Being that we're already in the car I figure the best way to get through this was to remain calm and collected so I shook off my fears and kept it moving at the normal speed limit.

Once we arrived at Austell road he and I both breathed a sigh of relief. Him for not having to walk that cold road and me for getting him to his destination unharmed. So he leaves and as I'm heading home I reflect on my actions and immediately begin to grade myself. I'm sure it was obvious to the gentleman that I was annoyed by the confrontation therefore I'm sure I may have come across a little harsh. I didn't offer much conversation during the brief trip but he made several references to being Blessed for the both of us. I probably could've been a little more sympathic to his situation and offered my services with a "free'er heart" but I chose not to. In the end none of this mattered to the gentleman as he had one objective in mind, which was to make it up the road and get one step closer to his final destination.

I can't help but wonder why this gentleman would be in Starbucks at that particular time and why I'd be called back to Starbucks. The owner of the case could easily have went back to Starbucks himself but instead he was led to call me. I could've said no to the owner and went home but I didn't. Now that I'm reflecting on it I believe it was meant for me to be there and for our paths cross that night.

For those of us who walk by Faith and believe in the greater good we're often placed in situations which are designed to test our faith and moral compasses. If I say I'm working to be this "new creature" then how do I show this when tested. How would I respond to someone who asks for my help? Do I shun this person out of fear for my own personal safety? Do I give a hand full of change out of contempt and disgust? Or do I yield to any number of instructions provided as scriptures that speak to giving and helping those considered less fortunate:

1 John 3:17 – But if someone who is supposed to be a Christian has money enough to live well, and sees a brother in need, and won't help him–how can God's love be within him ? 

1 John 3:18 – Little children, let us stop just saying we love people; let us really love them, and show it by our actions. 

1 John 3:19 – Then we will know for sure, by our actions, that we are on God's side, and our consciences will be clear, even when we stand before the Lord. 

Proverbs 14:31 – Anyone who oppresses the poor is insulting God who made them. To help the poor is to honor God.

Proverbs 19:17 – When you help the poor you are lending to the Lord–and he pays wonderful interest on your loan!

Proverbs 21:13 – He who shuts his ears to the cries of the poor will be ignored in his own time of need.

Proverbs 22:9 – Happy is the generous man, the one who feeds the poor. 

I could go on and on but the last verse speaks volumes because it lets me know that this could easily be me. Though my journey has been plentiful I'm but a breath away from being in this situation. So in speaking from my own experiences I can attest to needing help from strangers. Although it's a position I'm constantly fighting to stay away from sometimes things happen whether by design, faith, or chance. So as I walk away from this test I give myself a "C" because even though I acknowledged the test, and gave, I didn't do so freely, nor do I think I would've. So I don't get to pat myself on the back, per say. I can only hope that as He continues to Guide my Flight and hold me accountable for my actions He takes into account my mindset, what's on my heart, and the possible circumstances that forces me to consider my personal safety before His Instruction. Therefore I won't end this post by saying we should all be good to our fellow man. Instead I say continue to be truthful to the person that you are and hope that the relationship with your chosen Saviour isn't strained because of the choices you'll have to make when tested.

Eph 2:9 Salvation is not a reward for the good we have done, so none of us can take any credit for it.